ehe..
dah lame xupdate blog..td ade midtest..mlm td sepatutnye stay up lah kan ..haha..tp..xde nye..bc due tige line..daku suday tertidoq..hokhok~..nsb bek dr khairul tu baek..alhamdulillah..sume pon lepas..ehe=p..nway, next week final aigh>..cuak dowh..ak kn lemb..eh..kurenggz sket part2 kn cepat nih..ehehe..
arini..ak wt habit lame ag..ehehe..menyebok je..hahaha..xyah la cite..sbb..makes me even more pathetic i already am..=p..so we skip that part key.
but..cite next nih pon..mende xbaek jugak..caner nih..cume baek sket la dr yg td..tp lebey kuang same je..coz by prncpl, it does make me feel damn stupid..so we skip that too aigh!
urm..next..next..ape r?? dh tatau dah pe nk cite..sbb sume pon nk skip..lolx~
poyo
poyo gle..cm mengong..klu nk tpo ks kool sket leh cm..yg ak pon cm bangang..adeh..panas panas ati gua brader..
urm
i just wanna say sorry n make everything become crystal clear..mayb trying 2 b too defensive wasnt a good idea after all..yes, it done good stuff but surely damage done r more than benefit received..darn..cab i have 1 meet..only wif d ppl involved..n say sorry..straight from my heart..n eventhough they havent let it go..at least i can live wif no more consciences..
i noe..i tried hard 2 b independent..too rely less on others but more on me..to b proud for me doing it..but most of d tyme..whether i’ve conducted it d wrong way or i just being rude n hurt everyone beside me..sometimes..when i have my own private time alone-me time- i called it..cried as much as i want..i do miss d all me..d one who certainly dependent, coward, stupid but know how to behave..i miss me~
.drive-phobic.
urm..i always had d fear to ride bike when i was a kid..still remember, i learned to ride bike on my own..n of course wif d help of 3 wheelss,,.ehehe..kantoi!!..then used my sister’s..which had no breaks..i think laaa..d worst part is..at d corner..i ddnt noe how to make a turn..solutions?? jump off it to d grass..pheww!!at that time, my house’s lawn was merry wif grass n uninvited healthy bushes..ehe..(i’ve slept in those bushes too)..scars..countless..(who doesnt??)..hehe..nice.nice..some innocent childhood hours..
n my fear persisted till i was 12..i used to ride my bro’s bike (mine alwiz broken n he got new)..a real mountain bike..i used to b so little back then..hardly able to put my TOES on d pedals..ehe..still trying to show off to ppl..riding it and wave to my friends at d park..then..pop!! d chain slipped off its line..ehe..thank god they were quite few meters away..i just pretend to swing d pedals as usual..but god knows how shameful was i..ehe..damn!
still..i rode my bike to school..even though there’s plenty of time i almost glided out of d track..yipee!!ngangangaa~~
after entering secondary school, my bro used to teach me how to handle a motorbike..but i was damn slow in learning on machines..my mum even said im stupid in her sarcastic way..yeww!! wtever..i still remember..i rode on my grandpa’s bike which lent to my mum for few months,..i rode on it..n there’s the time when i actually jump off it coz it nearly hit d rubber tree.d street is slightly steep n unstable(just an excuse)..ehe//actually i just got panicked..lalalaa~~thank god!! no damage n no souls ever knew bout it(not if sumbody has nothing worth to do n read this post..lalalaa~~)
i took my driving class last january..during my motorcycle training..i almost..hit my classmates n unable to manage d bike(more then 10 times)..im just lucky enuff to pass..alhamdulillah..
last ramadhan i met an accident..i rode bike..hit by a viva..cet!!(thank god no broken bones n no internal damage)..i did gave signals to change lane but part of it was my fault..i couldnt estimate d distance..hehe..as i thought my fear had come true..
few days b4 d accidnt, i had some bad feeling..we have flashes rite..sumtimes..jus uninvited thoughts evilly crawling n dominate ur thinking..looo…nway..i did..i saw myself ended up lying against d truck’s tyre..bleed n broken..i prayed for nothing bad happend..but it still happend but thank god..in a minimal way,,
i drive kancil now..my family’s of coz!!..i almost hit a car last month..due to sudden breaking..guess wt?? some stupid fella(mayb crashed each other or just couples of moron) left their motorbike in d mddle of d route n had a fight at the side of it..y dont they just stand in d middle of d traffic n wait for cars to send them to graves..idiotss.not just me got stoned by it..my frens n some other cars too..haiyaaa!!
lately..rainy season aigh..my car almost slipped out of d lane..i did put some speed back then..i agree..few!!
i cnt drive at nites..i cant see clearly..almost got out d lane 2 days b4..thank god..i could catch up to see some unshiny lines..feeww!!alhamdulillah..
i watched lots of horror movies lately..drive alone n no souls-routes..enuff to give me goosebumps!!
n lately..d flashes do stop by again..i dont wanna describe it..i hate it..(i beg u,plz dont..Amin!!)..dunno..d fear live within me..still unable to gather my guts to ride a motorbike on traffic..mayb coz d scars havent diminishes..nor d pain still on n off..especially my left ankle..i noe when it hurts..when it’s not as perfect as b4..but i dunno how to describe it..functio leasa..urm..
plz..just dont..i mean it..Amin!!
palpitation..
b4 its ol take off,i’d rather to say it has nothing to do wif excessive neither free T4 nor free T3..k..so any medical bugs,,shut ur brain rite there…ngengenge~~
:p..may say..nervousness..anxiousness..catecholamines rush..oppsss…ehe..runs through me..my heart pounding so fast..fell off d ligaments..hope not! or else its no more pounding..nway,..happends almost most of my evenings..y?yeah yet to discuss…after doing some stupid stuff n feel guilty bout it or waiting 4 xm’s results..definitely some obvious causes..nway..nope..mine mostly nope..nothing at all..just these beatings got accelerated when d sun starts to set..when d rain began to stop pouring..it just came..uninvited..
mayb there r times i cant stop recall bout ‘u no who’..but most it i’ve tried to stop it..sometimes..it happens b4 anything bad ever occur me..nice instinct..u may say…but seems decresing in that regard..ngangangaaa~~
n sometimes..when nite starts to sail..then i’ll b almost going nuts to play my role..to stabilize my ions..ngangangaa~~..then solutions must b drive like crazy…pink crytall ball,its ol ur fault and im not dead..undoubtly b my share..
uneasyness..live within my soul..ngangangaa~~y is that?too much of thinking or too much of stupid flawly over d hedge type of thinking…need to stop..urgh??pain in d ass..
dunno wts d rite word to describe or to tell a yard bout it..just cant stop it gliding in n out n im so wished that it finally got its fullstops or comas at least…lalala~~
n its happening rite now..damn!
nga~
allop!
i hate it when there’s momment when i have to work my ass out but the more i wish to do it..the less it’s being done..eg: rite now..ehehe
im not being ungrateful here..just wanna mourn on my burden..so ease my shoulder..
life’s busy..morning..clinical tyme..evening classes..everyweek xmss..plus lately irregular n suit-themselves kinda xmss..exhausted??yeah!!trying to cramp everything in d short period of tyme..im not the kind of 1-tyme reader-permanent memory type..i gotta read more..n longer..plus my attention deficit syndrome…ahahahaaa…wtever…n clinicals..feeling stupid?? all d tyme..try hard but all-d-tyme -mess up…uncountable..wanna quit..almost all d tyme..cry..in my heart yeah!!..dont lick d scar, u lose d game doesnt mean u dunno how 2 roar..they say..i dunno wt i want anymore..why am i keep doing this..
u noe wt sucks?? i dunno how 2 say if ever i…coz i dunno any other possabilities for me if i dun do these..dunno if i have more than just scramming n b moron..its scary to noe u noe nothing bout urself..
i’ll keep trying..trying n trying..till when i dunno..ahahaa
i try not to live in my memory..to reach out me outside d circle of me..not to sigh over sum ppl once decorated my days years back n pretend to step out n walk on..ahhaaa…d truth is..i’m still stationary..immobilized by overwhelming jealousy n wishess..to have it again..in a bttr way..
ahahha…crap..in n out..out n about..ill say d same thing..ehe..
urm..im running out of idea coz my sister keeep on ym-ing me..adeh..i’ll edit it if i have d rite mood swing..ahahahaha
hardest part of love
love
it’s sweet.. surpass any honey can b
when it gets started..everything’s blooming
like spring
everything seems beautifl n funnily mesmorising(not sure d rite spelling..ehe)
but
when we have to let go
of that certain someone
n definitely
at that current of time
we aren’t ready to do it yet
it sucks
to pretend that we over it
to see him smiling brightly by his spouse
to let him sails happily
we know
if we force to pull
he maybe ours but then with unsmiling face
insincere life
so we chose to let all b happy
even though it’s killing u softly
still cant get ur eyes off his picture
cant forget the simple sweet single thing that he ever did to u
u’re a fool
u aware of that
sorrow engulfing ur heart
u knew it
u dont allow any new characters to cheer up ur days
u still able to comprehend that
that part of love which make u b the complete idiot
for how long
i have no idea
its been more than 5 yrs
i hope for the next it will be the last
coz my heart has no more courage
to let go
if not
no more mending is sufficient to keep it beating
for him,him n her
one-s ever pierced my pride
i wish u all the stars and blesses in the world
give me some tips
so i can breath easy…
